It was all in all a very well done piece. It was very clearly stated; specific about what was being said and where.

I feel you have a leg-up in this competition over a lot of people, so good luck in that.

Now, you were very specific in your description about the story that goes along with this. So if it was your intention not to dilute the imagination of the listener, I think that backfired because of the very detailed time-stamp you have there. It's like an MMO, say, WoW, which puts you into a world, tells you what's going on and where, but in the end is a theme park game where you're on a set path, instead of a sandbox game where you can do just about whatever you please.

So you might want to consider nixing the time-stamped description, or making it even more generalized.

Sincerely, I did enjoy this piece. It was exciting at times, and the variety of instruments used and the specific times they were used at made this what it is. You achieved your goal to a certain extent. So in that, very well done (and be proud)!

This section here is why I say you met your goal to a "certain extent":
2:38 ==> Dawn of Technology
3:18 ==> Inventing New Realities

At the beginning of Dawn of Technology, there isn't much of a dawn. The bagpipe enters, and we get a nice headbobbing rhythm, but our new-age sounds don't enter until after you say this section is over.

There are some great examples of music that use the industrial age of man literally. Hammers banging, machines turning, screws being spun in - all of these things can be used rhythmically, and even melodically if you're careful, to represent an amazing sound of technology that the audience can really connect with. Personally I think this section would be all about the rhythm of, say, working on an assembly line for machine parts. That rhythm of workers monotony moving the industry along.

Lastly, "Deep into the void" comes along, and that ambient sound you have is a great finish for the song.

On a side note, since no one in humanity has ever experienced this (and lived or returned to tell about it), this is solely subjective input.

I think if I were being launched into space, or envisioning being a particle of two colliding and making a miniature black hole (Large Hadron Collider), or even dying and traveling off to where ever it is we go, there would be more awe involved.

Much more sense of being dumbstruck with excitement, adrenaline, perhaps even a sense of fear. I wouldn't imagine it as an ambient flowing sound unless you take being in a space suit out for a space walk literally. If that's what you meant to do, great job! If not, I think the final section could use some revisiting.

I don't normally rate things above a three, but what you've done here is deserving of more than that.

This has turned out the way you intended it to, and that's normally how I rate music: not on whether or not I enjoy it, but on how well the composer met their goal.

You've done a splendid job here!

Now, some thoughts (because you don't get off that easy!):

I feel like this would be better suited as a 2nd movement to an overall piece. Rising out from the ashes means being burnt down to nothing to begin with.

Having a movement to precede this one would make this part much more satisfying for both us (the listeners) and, I feel, for yourself. Remember, insofar the audience hasn't been there to accompany you through the hard times; with this, we have only ever been present for the recovery of the downfall and nothing else.